A List of Bad Ideas for Bi Girls Having Identity Crises (Dispatches from the Brain Front, Summer 2015)

Eleanor Smith

  • make lists of how many people of each gender you have liked and then make yourself feel bad about these lists and try and work out your own sexuality by numbers
  • think about this stuff in the shower
  • think about this stuff before bed
  • open the mental door to the voice that says, For You In Particular, Bisexuality Is Not Even A Thing
  • allow it and its cousin, Bisexuality Equals Indecision Always, to come in for tea
  • let the baby, Potential Ace Identity Maybe, meet either of these people
  • think about this stuff after dark
  • think about this stuff at 2pm in the sleepy sun
  • look at anything even vaguely relating to this on the internet at all
  • let analytical brain get involved
  • let guilt complex get involved
  • stubbornly refuse to talk about this to anyone including your sister and your dearest friends
  • attempt to submerge all feelings in buzzfeed quizzes and/or cracked.com
  • abstain from having a Good Long Scream
  • walk around in continuous circles instead of letting out restless energy in high-pitched screams
  • think about this stuff while sitting very still in an armchair and not moving for several hours
  • think about this stuff while obsessively scrolling through twitter
  • feel too awkward to tell the brain jehovah’s witnesses to fuck right off and take the bi erasure they rode in on with them
  • fail to consider knitting as a method of stress relief

DISCLAIMER: No real Jehovah’s Witnesses were harmed/were implicated in any wrongdoing/actually appeared at all in the making of this list.

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